What do you do when your teenager is drinking? (girls jewelry gifts)
No commentsBy Dr. Jennifer Baxt, DMFT, NCC, DCC
Lets be honest, the problem of teenage drinking doesnt enter the mind of most parents, especially when looking into those innocent eyes of a baby. How can they possibly grow into a teenager with an alcohol problem? It may not seem possible that it could happen to your child, but the reality is that it can and for many it will. Turning a blind eye to the possible problem and not taking any preventive measures will only make it more likely to happen. It will also most likely mean that getting the teenager to accept they have a drinking problem and deal with it will be more difficult to do.
Raising children in a healthy family relationship is the first step in helping to prevent that situation. Next is being open with your child and reassuring them that you are there to support them and help them through whatever difficulties they may go through in life. Lastly, it is to discourage the act of allowing underage children the odd drink with special meals and/or special occasions. It is not uncommon for many parents to allow their children a small glass of wine during a toast at a special dinner or occasion; unfortunately, they are introducing their children to alcohol before they understand the responsibilities that come with drinking. Besides that, alcohol is, basically, a poison to the body and can cause harm to those who drink too much at one time. Being the responsible parent who realizes that teen drinking is a very real problem in todays world will not only seek to educate their children early on about the problems associated with drinking, they will also develop an open relationship with their children so that they feel they have support from family instead of turning to substance abuse for the answer. This effort, of course, does not entirely guarantee that your teenager will not develop a drinking problem. Keeping an eye open for signs of trouble, such as a change of personality or attitude, is a good way to be aware of whether the teenager may be developing such a problem.
If your teenager were to develop a drinking problem, catching it as soon as possible and dealing with it immediately will ensure a better chance that the teenager can deal with it; however, many parents are at a loss of what to do. Fortunately, the internet is a resource that can be crucial to helping a parent to pull their teenager away from their problem. Consulting an online counselor is a great idea for anyone who doesnt know what to do. Online counselors offer their services online so that they are accessible to anyone who needs some help. Speaking with an online therapist may also be more comfortable for the teenager because they may not feel that their space or business is being invaded too much. Online therapy could be beneficial to both the parents and their troubled teen because they can get the advice and help they need in the comfort of their home.
Jennifer Baxt is the owner of CompleteCounselingSolutions.com which offers a variety of online counseling services. If you would like to know more about Jennifer or any of our online therapists, visit our website.
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Handle Really Difficult Conversations: How to Talk Safely About Attitudes And Relationships
By maureen collins
There are difficult conversations in our lives; and then there are the really difficult ones! Conversations between a manager and employee about poor performance at least have the advantages that roles are clear, and that performance can be measured and recorded. Conversations become a lot more difficult, and require a lot more skill, when you are talking about issues of respect, attitude and relationships in a team.
Consider how you would handle a conversation with a team whom you felt was not accepting you and was perhaps being discriminatory toward you.
You were recently appointed to the senior management team. Everyone has been very civil to you, they co-operate when you need information, include you in meetings and in task teams. But you cannot help noticing that in the three months you have been in the team, you have not been able to build any close working relationship with your colleagues. You never seem to be included in the general banter around the office or in casual conversations. No-one comes to hang around at your desk as they sometimes do with each other.
You have been trying not to be overly sensitive. After all, it has only been three months. However, you realize that you are the only woman in a team that has been together for many years. You also know that you do not have the length of experience or the depth of general technical background that most of the other managers have, although you are more than qualified to do your own job.
How could you approach a situation like this without seeming to over-react and perhaps make the situation worse than it is?
Dealing with this problem means first dealing with the voices in your head.
These are the voices that say: They do not like me: They will think that because I am a woman I am being emotional: They are not being fair: They should give me a chance. When you start to hear voices like these in your head, the first thing you should do is notice the data you have that supports your feelings. What exactly has happened? Who said what? Who did not include you? When and from where exactly did your feelings arise?
You may find you have made a generalisation from one instance or from one person, to include the whole group. Maybe you have exaggerated what has been happening. On the other hand, maybe you have been expecting too much, too soon. It can take some time before an established team accepts a newcomer, particularly one without their own background and experience: in other words, someone who is different. The wisest step may be to wait and notice some more. You might find that the voices go away.
At the same time you need to ask yourself if you have been part of the problem. Have you been waiting for people to approach you? Could you be more outgoing, offering friendship to others before you expect them to offer it to you? You could try to gently change your behaviour to see if others respond. All it may take is that you offer to meet people a little more than half way, to start breaking the ice.
Sometimes this is not enough to make the voices go away. Now you have to go further into considering whether you have actually been creating the problem. Have you been acting out your feelings of unacceptance? Does your eye contact or tone of voice betray you? Is there anything in your behaviour that subtly communicates your negative feelings to the group? Could their behaviour be a response to negativity in your own behaviour?
If possible ask for feedback from one of the group, perhaps someone with whom you have formed some relationship. Then use it to change your behaviour.
If none of this makes the voices in your head disappear, it is time to plan a conversation that will clear the air. Choose a safe place and time. Do not start with your feelings! Start with your observations of how the team behaves. This allows others to understand the source of your concern. Let them know that you accept your share of responsibility for becoming a full team member. Explain how you feel. Then ask if you can talk it through.
Although a conversation like this will not be easy, having it is the only sure way to clear the air so you can start to build up a good working relationship with your colleagues. Dealing with those voices in your head first, is the only way to make the conversation safe so you and the team can openly discuss any real issues that may exist between you.
Maureen Collins has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. In Straight Talk, she trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people. Get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za
Share Family Stories Around the Holiday Table
By Judy H. Wright
”When a grandparent dies, it is like a library has burned down.”
This old African saying has taught me the value of listening and sharing family stories. As we approach the holidays, it is even more important to turn off the Television and turn on to each other and the family stories we share.
Do you know what was your dad’s favorite Christmas or Hanukkah gift as a young child? Do you know why your grandmother makes her special cookies? Do you, and more important, do your children; know why their aunts, uncles and extended family love them?
We live in a remarkable age when information and media are surrounding us daily. And yet, sadly, over the last generation we have become less and less in touch with our own history and the stories of the family from whence we came. Sometimes it is not until someone dies that we realize just how little we know about the family history and how much that individual could have shared, had we just taken the time to ask them.
The Stories are New to Your Children
As a personal historian I have seem many times how true the quotation from Lewis Munfor which says “every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”
Your child will be able to hear the stories from your parents, aunts and uncles and put them in a context to enrich his or her life, while you may have heard them so many times they have lost value.
As a parent you may think, “What good will it do my child to learn about farming in the early 1900’s or working on the railroad in the 1950’s. My child will live in a world that values information not physical labor.”
Make a Life, Not Just a Living
However, it is not about making a living, but rather about how your ancestors made a life that is the valuable gift. It is through family stories that we gain a sense of connectedness, roots and most of all a sense of identity.
Family stories are often about overcoming obstacles with courage and resourcefulness. This is a message that is needed in all lives.
Important to be Part of a Tribe
The sense of belonging, community and an important part of the whole is invaluable to each of us. We need to know where we fit in the puzzle.
It is through family stories that we learn how we came to be who we are. Whether by nature or nurture, we have been effected by those adults who were a part of our lives and a part of the lives of our parents.
Share Your Stories Today
If emotions around the holiday table tend to be volatile, then ask safe questions and listen with your heart. I was surprised and overjoyed when a discussion at a recent Thanksgiving went for over an hour on Mashed Potatoes and why everyone loved them. An aunt asked everyone to share a memory about either mashed potatoes or turkey dressing.
We took turns sharing and listening, but all of us learned. We learned about the first time a daughter made potatoes for her in-laws and was criticized for using milk instead of cream. She shared how she was assertive in stating her reasons, and it set the tone for the relationship.
(c) Judy H. Wright also known as Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author.
You are invited to join us for Thursday morning teleclasses and radio shows at www.ArtichokePress.com You will be glad you did.
Saturday, November 22nd, 2008 at 7:30 pm and is filed under relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
